Boy to man......cutting the apron strings ceremony.

There is nothing like a good dose of family and friends (with you or in spirit).

Last week we met to be witness to my eldest son's ceremony: cutting the aprons strings. The women stood in a half circle and the men in another half circle and the circle was held together by my sons bestest male and female friends.

My son and I entered into the female half of the circle and these are some of the words I spoke:

The half circle of women includes grandmothers, aunties and any other significant women in my son's life. We represent the mothers house: the feminine, the early nurture and the wisdom to know when we, as mothers, must let our children go.
The half circle of men, again, includes the grandfathers, uncles and any other significant men in my son's life. They represent the fathers house: the masculine, protection, strength and initiation into the fathers house: manhood.
Between the two circles stand two important friends in my son's life, they bring the two halves together, and they hold between them the ribbons, these are symbolically the aprons strings, when he cuts these he will be handed over to the fathers house.

When I handed him the scissors I told him that the door to my house and heart are always open. He cut through and went to the fathers house, where the men gathered him up and carried him round to the back of the house whilst the women went into the house to prepare the feast and hold me in the ceremonial space.

I had asked the men to please give my son a gift of something that they would like to tell a boy going into manhood. This male space was sacred and private, I do not know what was said.

When we where ready my son came to the front door and knocked and I let him in and the feasting commenced.

Mundane

Wake up, drink water, get the kids up, breakfast, make lunch boxes, school run, work, lunch, wash up, work, collect from school, homework, supper, wash up, bedtime, sleep. Wake up, drink water, get the kids up, breakfast, make lunch boxes, school run, work, lunch, wash up, work, collect from school, homework, supper, wash up, bedtime, sleep...........

Speaking with a friend yesterday about the above and the seemingly endlessness of chores and the mundane and I realised that I am (mostly) fine with the mundane. I have been doing it for so long that actually it is a meditation for me. Of course there are times I could do with out it, but I find the mundane grounding and soothing, it helps me stay in the present and enjoy every part of my life.

As Syd Banks says: you are only ever 1 new thought away from a completely different experience of being alive.

Or Zen: before enlightenment chop wood, draw water after enlightenment chop wood, draw water.

So enjoy your holidays and look forward to the mundane of life's routines.

Cutting the apron strings.

As a divorcee and (one time) single mother I have had to get used to letting go of my boys, it has not been easy: the toing and froing between houses, the shared holidays and the emotional upsets dropping them off or collecting them.

My boys are now 15 and 13 years respectfully, and I am seeing how I am having to let go of them in a whole different way, I have to let go of them as a woman and mother. I was their first love, they have to move away from that and I have to also. My eldest and I are in an understanding that our relationship is changing. He is turning into a man. He and I have to cut the apron strings.

I have decided to have a ceremony, to honour my son and being a mum. I am not big on being the center of attention (really) and I have been gifted a simple ceremony (thank you Leesa Daymond). I plan to do this in the near future. The ceremony will allow me to hand him over, if you like, to the men. I will always be here for him, my heart and door always open, but I must let him go, he is no longer my little boy, he is (very nearly) a man.

Soundbite: ARNICA

This is one of the first remedies people use and find effective in Homoeopathy.  It is used for bumps, bangs, shock and bruising. When someone says go away I am fine, after an accident, that is shock and Arnica could be the first remedy you use. Their skin could also be cold and clammy from the shock. I use Arnica for almost any accident, it helps reduce swelling and it gives pain relief and is great after operations.

Those egg shaped bruises on the forehead? Arnica.

Do not put onto open skin (Arnica cream, oil), as it is poisonous. Give Arnica internally is the skin is broken.

I also use it if for someone doing strenuous exercise i.e. a marathon, bike race etc. I give it before and afterwards; it will help reduce physical fatigue and shock to the body.   

I also recommend it in labour (200 potency) to be taken hourly during the labour.

Quality time

Years ago I noticed that I would be 'running' on the spot constantly. There was food to cook, the house to clean, the washing to be done, the kids need attention, I had to work, the dog needed walking, the bills had to be paid, the phone ringing, the shopping to be done, I wanted some time, the garden needed weeding....ahhhhh the list goes on and on....(and this was before Facebook ;)!  

I would sit with my kids, try,and play with them but not really enjoy it as my mind was on all the above. I realised that I was not really present with my children, my family, as I was thinking about the future and not focusing on the present. I gave them time, not quality time, not my undivided attention time.

Remember this?

The past is history
The future is a mystery
This moment is a gift....that's is why it is called the present. (Bill Keane)

I began to realise that the food got cooked, with love, the house was, sort of, clean, the washing got done, I worked, the dog had walks, the bills where paid, the phone rang (now we ignore it when we are eating together or doing something that is important not to disturb), the shopping happens, I get time and it is often in the garden! I could enjoy my family, at any given moment and I could look through my children's eyes at their view of the world and that is a gift. My youngest son, when he regales a story, his eyes get bigger and bigger, it is so warming to my heart to really listen and really look at him. That is quality time, that moment when you are present, in the moment, with your family and your loved ones and it is timeless.

Forgiveness

Okay, this is a big one. I wrote about acceptance last week and now forgiveness..... it seems I am in therapy with myself! Over the years I have related to this theme more and more. It feels so hard to forgive those 'who trespass against you'. (How powerful is the Lords prayer? It says it all, really.) However I have found forgiveness extraordinary.

A few weeks ago I found myself in a situation where I was ANGRY! I felt hard done by, forgotten and used. Old emotions came up in me regarding another situation where I had felt the same things. I fortunately called a friend of mine, who could relate to the situation, who lovingly 'walked' me through my emotions. At the end of the conversation she told I have to forgive this person: I had to talk to this person and tell them I forgive them. Initially I was scared to do this, I knew I could forgive this person, but could I actually sit with them and tell them?

I made the appointment, met, told my story without blame and told the person I forgave them. This was so powerful on so many levels for me and the person involved:

1) I meant it, I truly forgave and put my issues behind me.

2) The other person thanked me for my honesty and honouring our friendship.

3) A weight was lifted from my shoulders and I felt, still feel, lighter for it.

4) I also forgave myself for taking so long to honour these feelings in me, and I meant that too.

Confrontation is not easy for many people, but speaking your truth in a loving way, owning your feelings and emotions is a powerful experience in responsibility. However, forgiveness of yourself and others creates harmony and deepens relationships.

Acceptance

Over the years acceptance has become a powerful tool and form of healing in my clinic as well as outside of it in my private and personal life.

In the last couple of weeks I have seen some patients who have really needed to come to a place of acceptance of themselves and others. Below is a picture of one woman's very recent journey:

A woman who has had a truly horrendous life, initially came to me to come off of anti depressants. This was done with relative ease, using Homoeoapthy and twice monthly appointments. She managed to work with her panic attacks and restlessness using remedies initially and then with her own strength of mind. She has had to face many 'demons' along the way, sometimes it is easier than others, but she sees the benefit of feeling again and using her own innate intuition.This is a journey that is both empowering and humbling to do. I was very happy with her progress, as was she. Part of her journey has been about accepting her old self, to know that was her then and not who she is now.

To know that these parts of ourselves help us heal, help us have compassion for others as well as ourselves. We cannot 'cut' out these parts of ourselves, we can only accept that time was part of the person who is here, right now. We are the sum of all our histories not just the 'bad' bits.